thirsty

today it snowed, and yesterday it snowed, and all last night it snowed, and it's snowing right now. i got home to mom's house after leaving the new home tony just moved into because that new place is still so strange to me. i stood in the street in my boots and coat, and the snow was falling so slightly it almost might as well not have been snowing at all, but even those few, small flakes had filled up our city. and it was cold, but i felt the urge to sit in it, or roll around in it, or just run through it. the streetlamps burned, and my car was full of gas, and sometimes i feel so lost. sometimes the realization that the world is everywhere and it's just such a big place, and i could walk and keep on walking, or drive and keep on driving and be in some place completely new and different by morning, and what's stopping me. and i'm blocking thoughts before they form. and who am i exactly? i don't have a memory like my father's to help me define who i am. sometimes in my head there is only snow, and streetlamps, and a thirst for blindly picking a direction and then running.