I'm a sneaky mind-changer.

Go here.

six weeks

i'm getting married in 6 weeks. that trips me out, that it's come so fast. there's still so much left to do, but i would be a pretty heartless gal if that's what was foremost on my mind. i'm going to be married. i don't even know what that means.

i can see myself getting scared and sort of confused.
feeling like i have to do things a certain way.
best to nip that in the bud, because however we do things is the way we do them. not like other people do them.

i know i made the right choice but...fingers crossed anyway.


xkayla

My Decade in Music

I was inspired by all the "best of" lists everyone's been doing to commemorate the new year (and decade), but this list ended up being more a personal timeline of my life the last decade, represented by the songs that were most influential to me each year. It's likely incomplete, but each song on this list reminds me of a time it either affected me because of my emotional situation, or was poignant because of who I liked/loved/was dating at the time, or because it's just a good song that I really enjoyed (I don't like all of them now, for the record) throughout the last 10 years. This whole thing is more for my interest and enjoyment than for a need to showcase some good music, but I thought I'd share.

So with all that ado, here's my life as interpreted by music, through the past decade:

Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers (2000)
Last Resort - Papa Roach (2000)
All My Love - Led Zeppelin (2001/02)
Downtown - Petula Clark (2001/02)
Even When I'm Sleeping - Leonardo's Bride (2001/02)
I Miss You - Blink182 (2003)
My Immortal - Evanescence (2003)
Holding Out For a Hero/Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler (2003/04)
Dark of the Matinee - Franz Ferdinand (2004)
Unintended - Muse (2004/05)
Nothing Better - The Postal Service (2005-2008)
What is Love - Haddaway (2005)
Lay Lady Lay - Magnet ft. Gemma Hayes (2005)
Better Days - Josh Joplin (2005)
Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright (2005/06)
I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie (2006)
Fidelity - Regina Spektor (2006)
I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance (2007)
Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy (2007/08)
Wonderlust King - Gogol Bordello (2008/09)
The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson (2009)
Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie (2009)
Sea of Love - Cat Power (2009)
I Am Not a Robot - Marina and the Diamonds (2010)

(I can't believe I stayed up til 3 doing this. Apparently I have energy for this kind of thing, lol. Don't you think it'd make a decent - if not completely genre-jumbled - mix cd?)

music

Sorry for all the silly, non-wedding related posts lately. I promise I am actually doing wedding things, but those kind of posts take energy, man. I don't plan on having energy again for at least another six months after we're married.

Lately I've been feeling really interested in music; new music in particular (well, new to me.) Let me first give a big, collective THANKS to my friends and family who've been slowly and unwittingly introducing me to new artists and songs that I never thought I would have liked but am ending up loving. I am and probably always will be a lover of music that is tried and true, but I need to remember that music is an ever-changing art and the same powerful muses that were operating long ago are still as relevant and hardworking today and for today's artists. Open yourself to the world Now.

Okay, /soapbox. Begin lyrics and music video.



I Am Not a Robot
(by Marina and the Diamonds)

You've been acting awful tough lately
Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately
But inside, you're just a little baby
It's okay to say you've got a weak spot
You don't always have to be on top
Better to be hated than love, love, loved for what you're not

You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable
You are not a robot
You're loveable, so loveable
But you're just troubled

Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot

You've been hanging with the unloved kids
Who you never really liked and you never trusted
But you are so magnetic, you pick up all the pins
Never committing to anything
You don't pick up the phone when it ring, ring, rings
Don't be so pathetic, just open up and sing

I'm vulnerable, I'm vulnerable
I am not a robot
You're loveable, so loveable
But you're just troubled

Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot

Can you teach me how to feel real?
Can you turn my power on?
Well, let the drum beat drop

Guess what? I'm not a robot

toms + new year

i got the rebate for my cell phone today, and decided to buy myself a new year's present.

TOMS.

these shoes are so comfortable.

now i'm listening to the doors, waiting for my baby to get home so we can get some food.

jim morrisson and i wish you all a very happy new year.
love, kayla

thirsty

today it snowed, and yesterday it snowed, and all last night it snowed, and it's snowing right now. i got home to mom's house after leaving the new home tony just moved into because that new place is still so strange to me. i stood in the street in my boots and coat, and the snow was falling so slightly it almost might as well not have been snowing at all, but even those few, small flakes had filled up our city. and it was cold, but i felt the urge to sit in it, or roll around in it, or just run through it. the streetlamps burned, and my car was full of gas, and sometimes i feel so lost. sometimes the realization that the world is everywhere and it's just such a big place, and i could walk and keep on walking, or drive and keep on driving and be in some place completely new and different by morning, and what's stopping me. and i'm blocking thoughts before they form. and who am i exactly? i don't have a memory like my father's to help me define who i am. sometimes in my head there is only snow, and streetlamps, and a thirst for blindly picking a direction and then running.

engagments sneak peek

our house has been kindof lifeless lately, what with sickness and busted up knees and working late and having no energy for christmas, so i'm the only one who's really excited about this right now, but the cd with all of our pictures from the engagement shoot monday arrived in the mail today.

so to make up for the deadness, here's a big YAY!

i think they turned out splendid. i don't feel like uploading the whole shebang tonight, so here's a sneak peek:


(click for pictures too big for your screen)